I continue to feel very blessed to have the opportunity to work with the families I work with. "Work" just doesn't seem to truly describe what I do, because it doesn't feel like work. I enjoy my job everyday and rarely feel like I just don't want to go to work. Everyday is an adventure and filled with challenges, laughter, and many genuine people who care about kids. It really doesn't get better than that, well maybe a bigger paycheck but I have never been driven by monetary motives. There are so many things I love about my job, but the things that I find the most rewarding and simply fun are those unanticipated encounters that I drive home laughing and smiling about at the end of the day. So, I thought I would share some of those stores. These are the things that inspire me...
Driving parents and babies to school and childcare is a common duty that I have the opportunity to do. Of course, initially my supervisor and our funders felt this wasn't the best use of my time and skills. Understandable. I didn't go to graduate school to become a cab driver or shuttle service. Now, being that I like to think outside the box or even innovatively (this gets me in trouble frequently) I find this driving time to be an excellent time to get to know my teen parents and of course their children. Some of the best conversations have occurred in the van or in my car. I like to think of it as mobile counseling. One young mother I drive with weekly always has a variety of parenting questions for me that she wouldn't probably ask me in any other setting. She always seems most intrigued about asking "baby daddy" questions. For those that are not dialed in to the teenager lingo - baby daddy = your child's father. She is trying to figure out how to co-parent and this seems to be a regular topic of discussion with me. This is a comedy act in and of itself because personally, I am still trying to figure that out and probably will be for many years to come. But, I suppose I am merely a step ahead of her and this proves to create productive and encouraging conversation. Of course, if you know me even slightly you can imagine that our travels are not always filled with deep and profound conversation. In fact, we typically start our day laughing hysterically. Usually, this laughter revolves around my astute driving skills. Of course, I never text and drive, eat while driving, reach for sipping cups in the back seat, or try to find the perfect song on my iPod. I am an excellent driver! :) Now, there was this one time I backed into a light pole, but that was totally understandable. The pole just wasn't there when I turned around and looked before backing out. It just came out of no-where!
Anyway, I work in a remote area of the desert. There are animals of all sorts out here and I have to have the reflexes of a ninja when driving, although sometimes I have the reflexes of a snail and this has been tragic for a couple of unsuspecting birds who meet their demise on the grill of my car. Even more interesting are the rez dogs that are always looking for a snack and roaming the roads. Some are serious risk takers and find it fun to chase my car like I am the last burrito they will ever see. It would not surprise me one bit if tomorrow a camera crew from Animal Kingdom showed up to video tape the WILDlife I see on a daily basis. I am available for interviews. Now, there are those animal kingdom moments where we get to see true desert animals in their glory. Like the many roadrunners that run across the road. Running so quickly it seems their feet never touch the ground. The coyotes are my favorite. They seem confident and know where they are headed and what they are doing. In comparison to the rez dogs the coyotes are not interested in me or if I have a burrito hidden under my seat. The best animal encounter I had was with a Gila Monster. Now, for those that do not live in the desert this may sound like a scary fire breathing animal that would send one running for the mountains. Although they are potentially dangerous (not sure how), they are slow moving, smaller than I had imagined, and without fangs, scales, and fiery breath. One morning we came across a Gila Monster on the side of a remote dirt road. We had to stop the car and get out and take a picture. I have lived in Arizona for over 20 years and never saw one of these until this past year.
Driving on the reservation is an interesting experience that has challenged my navigation skills in many ways. There are very few street signs and certainly no house numbers. I have learned that GPS systems are utterly useless on the reservation. IF I had an address to enter into my navigation system I am quite sure the automated voice would simply laugh at me and then shut off. I have learned my way around the reservation and I am learning what "over there" means and that when someone says there house is pink it really is orange. I have learned the names of many desert plants and trees because these are the landmarks signifying to turn "that way." If you are confused, well try finding a house with those directions! Good luck with that.
As I reflect on my driving adventures I realize that this time spent has been very valuable and humorous. Whether I am being chased by a rez dog in my car, jumping a curb or backing into a light pole I can honestly say that I have the gift of making others laugh and that alone is completely worth the daily travels I have with my young parents and their kids.
There are days that I get to sit on the floor and just play with babies and toddlers. Those are without a doubt my most favorite days at work! To have a child light up when they successfully master a task or discover a new activity is priceless. To watch their parent equally light up as their child proves to be as smart as they know he or she is, is even better. In all honesty, the best part about working with small children is their genuine excitement to see me and greet me with a hug and saying my name. This may sound silly, but I am an outsider to many of the families I work with. It takes time to build trust and relationships with families, and this process starts of course with the teen parents I work with. A child knows who he or she can trust based on their parents interaction with someone. Over time, the teen parents begin to trust me and THEN the children begin to build that relationship with me. Those moments when a child that is not your own comes running to you with open arms squealing your name is a moment where you know a bond of trust has been created. That's what I come to work for everyday and I love it!
I have to share some dad stories. When I started this job I had my own preconceived notions of what a teen father was, and I was way off! I currently conduct two parenting groups that are comprised of young fathers. These young men are rough and tough with tattoos, posess long detailed rap sheets, and colorful histories that I will not disclose. However, these young men are fathers, love their children, and sincerely want to make changes in their lives. Changes that will impact their children in a positive way. They know they are role models to their children, especially their sons, and they want to do right by their children. With that said, we have amazing weekly discussions on how they can be the fathers they desire to be for their children. One of the incentives for participating in my program are family outings. These are parent child outings geared toward building parenting skills, strong family bonds, and great memories. Many first time parents are unaware of the many survival items needed for such outings, and honestly some of my teen dads really have no idea what they need to bring on a family outing. After preparing my parents for an outing reminding them to bring a child, car seat, stroller, diapers, wipes, bottles, snacks, change of clothes, and a partridge in a pear tree, I see glazed over looks from the dads. You know the look. The one that implies that you have three heads and must be speaking a foreign language. Well, I often have at least one brave solo father on an outing and I love seeing his confidence grow as he takes on the task of father bonding time with his baby at the zoo. Teen fathers really just need to know they can be effective, loving, successful fathers. They are told they can't do it, so many just give up. I love seeing these young dads step into their role inspite of the fear of the unkown!
Lastly, I would like to share one specific dad story. In preparation for our Zoolights trip and ornament making/cooking decorating Christmas celebration I discussed with the young men the items they needed to bring with them on the outing and our plans for a Christmas celebration. One of the fathers informed me that he wasn’t sure if he would be able to attend our outing because he had a court hearing the day before the planned outing and wasn’t sure if he would be going to jail. I asked him to give me a call following his court hearing to let me know if he would be able to participate in our outing to Zoolights. I proceeded to write my work cell number down on a sheet of paper, of course in my mind I am not real confident that I will hear from this young man in the next 24 hours. 4:20PM the next day my phone rings. I am greeted by a young man who says, “Uhhhh, I don’t remember your name, but I won’t be able to come to Zoolights tomorrow. I have to go to jail for 5 days, but I will be at school for group next week when we make the ornaments and decorate cookies.” Pleasantly surprised that this young man remembered to call, and humored by the fact that he did not remember my name in spite of being part of my group since August. I reminded him of my name and thanked him for being responsible and letting me know about his absence at our outing. I asked him when he would be starting his 5 days in jail and he said “Now. I had time to make a call so I called you.” I was his one phone call. I was moved by the fact that this young father valued his time in our parenting groups enough to not only remember to call me and let me know about his plan, but also to carry my cell number to his court hearing. Sometimes I wonder if the parents I meet with so frequently are truly listening to me, and if they remember certain details (like my name), but I know without a doubt they value what we discuss and they look forward to meeting weekly in group. This young man proved that parenting group is important to him and definitely a priority in his life.
