Maliyah's Mom

Coming home from the hospital with your first child is most definitely a leap of faith moment.  It's like jumping out into the great unknown and hoping that you will do everything right.  It's not some little experiment that you are trying in your kitchen.  It is a human life that you instantly love and want to protect and provide for.  Thank God for His wisdom in wiring parents with the courage needed to take that first step; that first step to leave the hospital and go home and be a new parent. I think of the moment when I took Sarah home from Chandler Regional Hospital 9 years ago.  I remember the fear of the unknown that was ahead.   The uncertainty of knowing what to do when she cried or knowing how much to feed her or knowing what she needed or knowing what to do in the middle of the night .....the list went on.  Leaving the hospital for the first time was scary!  I think of that moment when I think of the young parents I work with who are having their first child at such a young age.  Not only are they facing many of the things most new parents face coming home for the first time, but they are also so young and not necessarily prepared for what is ahead.  They have had 9 months to digest and prepare for adult responsibilties and enormous changes they will be facing as teenagers.  Most of us had a few years between being teenagers and parents.  These teens will no longer live the life of a typical teenager.  Potentially overwhelming changes are ahead for them, some realize this and some don't!

I would like to share a story about Maliyah's Mom, Alicia (her name has been changed).  Currently, Maliyah is 6 months old.  She is a beautiful baby girl with a full head of shiny black hair, big brown eyes, and the cutest baby smile ever!  I met Maliyah when she was born at Chandler Regional Hospital in May.  Her young mom was texting me with Maliyah bedside looking for visitors to come to her hospital room.  Her family was coming and going, but she still was alone in an unfamiliar setting with a new baby.  Certainly a scary experience at 16 years old.  Alicia was proud of her new baby girl, but the look of "now what" was on this young mother's face.  She was uncertain of the adventure that was ahead and I cannot imagine how she felt at that moment.   She had family supporting her and was equipped with diapers, stroller, car seat, clothes, the essentials, but the uncertainty of what to do next was still right before her.  Alicia went home and embraced the challenge of being a new mom and she has grown into one of the most amazing mother's I know.  Not only is Maliyah a healthy, strong, and beautiful baby, but her mother is also a strong, confident, and empowered young mom.  Here is her story.

When I met Alicia she was pregnant, timid, QUIET, and scared of what was ahead.  I worried about her and wondered what I needed to do most to support her.  As the months have passed, I have seen her advocate for herself and her child in a way that made me realize that this mom is a survivor and not only will she continue to overcome the challenges she faces as a teen mother, but her daughter will grow up strong and without a doubt someday very proud of her mother. 

As part of my program we have funding to help with baby supplies - diapers, formula, clothing, fun stuff...you name it.  We have a generous budget and that truly makes my job easier and so much more fun!  However, I have a strong commitment to making sure that the parents in my program do not see me as a wishing well where they can just call me up at the last minute and ask for stuff when they run out.  Of course, this has happened several times.  "Heidi, I ran out of diapers.  Can you bring some by?"  I am not a delivery service or a place for free stuff.  Now this may sound cold hearted, however there is compassion in this story.  :)  I share with my parents that if they "work" for me they will earn whatever items they need.  For example, Alicia is probably one of the parents who has the greatest need, so I pick her up each week from school and she comes to my office and helps me with different jobs - filing, organizing, labeling.  She earns her diapers and has learned to plan ahead and stock up on the things she needs so that Maliyah will never go without.  This is a huge step!  I tease her and tell her I want to make her a t-shirt that says "will work for diapers", because she literally will.  Of course, often times our "work" is more fun than actual work, but the point is that Alicia calls me in advance, schedules a time to come, and is commited to earning what she needs.  At that point, I become very generous and simply want to bless her because I know she values earning the things she needs for her daughter.  It is truly a joy to be able to give Alicia what she needs for her baby, and the weekly communication allows for great conversations and problem solving.  It is a win, win for sure! 

Not only is Alcia a survivor, but she is commited to her education.  She is brilliant.  She works hard at school and wants to be sure she earns her credits to graduate.  She wants her daughter to see her mom graduate.  Alicia is going to school for herself and Maliyah.  This young mother is so commited to graduating that she has gone through thick and thin to enroll her child in Headstart - both for the learning environment for her daughter and for the child care.  We spent hours retrieving necessary documents for her to enroll Maliyah.  We completed applications and drove all over the place to take care of what needed to be done.  Once all that was done, Maliyah was placed on a long waiting list.  Another frustrating hurdle that this young mom didn't let discourage her.  So, she waited.  Eventually, she received a call stating Maliyah could come to Headstart, but there was no transportation.  A huge issue where I work.  Without a blink, Maliyah's mom said she would walk Maliyah to school because they both needed it.  Now let me paint a picture for you.  Alicia lives in the desert.  It is isolated and there are no sidewalks or paved roads on the path to school.  Alicia lives about a 20 minute walk from school and headstart.  Alicia puts Maliyah in the stroller and walks across the desert each morning before school to make sure her daughter gets to Headstart and to make sure she is getting her education every day!  Most 16 year olds would have said forget it and stayed home. 

Everytime Maliyah's mom is faced with an obstacle or challenge she overcomes it.  I think I get more concerned or stressed out for her than she does.  She takes it all in stride and contiues to persevere.
Alicia inspires me and makes me proud to know her.  I have no doubt that she will continue to do amazing things in her life and the result will be a healthy, strong and empowered little Maliyah!

Thanksgiving is just one day! What about the other 364 days of the year?

I have spent the past 2 weeks trying to come up with some brilliant entry for my next blog.  There is a lot of pressure in this.  :)  I will put this disclaimer out there for whomever is reading this blog.  I cannot guarantee that each entry will inspire you to change the world, however what I can promise is that each entry will be heartfelt and encouraging so here goes! 

Thanksgiving Day is that one day where everyone sits back and reflects on the things they are thankful for, right?  This is really good and important, however what about the other 364 days out of the year?  Shouldn't we be reflecting on what we are thankful for daily?  Anyway, I really don't want to give the cliche list of all the things I am thankful for just because it is that one day out of the year that I am supposed to come up with the list.  I can honestly say that I think and pray about those things I am thankful for everyday.  I live a blessed life with so much to be thankful for that simply reflecting on those things one day out of the year just isn't sufficient.  HOWEVER,  in honor of this holiday I would like to write on those things I am thankful for with regard to my job.  Considering that this blog is really not about me, but rather the teen families I have the privilege of knowing I would like to jot down a few of those things I am thankful for with regard to them.

• I am thankful to know several young moms who are determined to further their education simply because they want to be able to provide for their children.
• I am thankful that not all teenagers are self-indulged, spoiled, and present minded.
• I am thankful for the young dads in my program.  They have a desire and passion to be the best fathers they can be.  Awesome sauce! (J.Skogerboe. Facebook, 2010)
• I am thankful for a young mom who is so determined to get her education that she walks across the desert pushing her daughter in a stroller to Headstart childcare everyday.  She acknowledges the importance of her child being in a positive learning environment while she is in school earning her diploma.  More on this young lady in my next entry.  
• I am thankful for a young father who shared that he is learning from me.  He said he doesn't party with his friends anymore because he values his time with his family more. This young father is putting his family's needs and desires before his own.  Love it!
• I am thankful for those moms and dads who bring their babies to school everyday so they can earn their high school diploma.  They are faced with the challenge of not having childcare, however they don't give up!  They are determined to continue their education regardless of the challenges they face. 
• I am so thankful for the many babies I get to love on and see grow!  The Lord has surrounded me with so many babies and it is such a joy!  A true desire of my heart! 

The young parents that I spend my weekdays with are overcomers.  They are maturing in ways they didn't expect, but most of all they are embracing the challenges in their lives with hope and perseverance.  I never hear them complain or say they want to just give up.  I wonder if they ever feel that way?  They are working toward a successful future and the love they have for their children is what drives them and gives them passion to be the best parents they can be.  I am proud of them and hope to continue to be a light of encouragement in their lives.  These are the things I am thankful for.

Reflections of a young father.

When you think of a teen parent what visual comes to mind?  Was it a teenage girl or teenage boy?  Well, I will be honest up until 7 months ago my visual was a teenage girl.  My experience as a school social worker had created this framework in my brain because I never had a teen father in my office, but rather teen mothers.  At this point in my professional career I can say with great enthusiasm that I have the most amazing opportunity to work with teen fathers and they are a blessing!  The young men I have the pleasure to know love their children dearly, want to be the best fathers they can be, and in spite of their chronological age are growing up rapidly simply because they WANT TO embrace fatherhood.  This is a CHOICE  they choose and I admire them for that!

Now,  the reflections and experiences of one young father in my program...

This particular young man is growing up on the reservation with absent parents, influences of drugs, alcohol, and gangs.  He is being raised by his elderly grandmother who loves him dearly and wants him to earn his high school diploma and enjoy a healthy and successful adult life.  When I first met this young man (before he was a father) he felt it was important to draw me a map of his community.  He wanted to show me where I should NEVER go because these certain areas had heavy gang involvement and he didn't want me to get caught in the crossfire.  I think he was being a bit dramatic, but he knew we came from very different worlds and wanted to help me out.

This young man has a beautiful 4 month old son that he loves deeply and is so proud of.  In our many conversations he has shared that he wants his son to have parents who are involved in his life and that he doesn't want his son to experience some of the things that he experienced as a young boy growing up.  He vacillates between feeling like his son is destined to have the same life he did growing up and the seemingly unattainable possibility of a better option out there for his child.  This young father has never seen healthy relationships between parents and children.  He has never experienced those relationships first hand.  He only knows one way of life and that is the only thing he visualizes.  His experiences have shaped his expectations, his mental framework. 

There is hope in this story.  Now, as part of this program of course I utilize a national parenting curriculum and it has been tested and proven to be a best practice tool for parenting programs.  Don't get me wrong, this is a wonderful tool that continues to enable me to teach these young parents the many ingredients needed for healthy and effective parenting. BUT!  There is always the peripheral benefits that continue to wow me.  The benefits that occur from the simple experiences in life and my inevitable way of just being human and transparent before my teen parents.  Nonetheless, the unexpected outcomes seem to be the most powerful.

Get to the point Heidi...this young man had the opportunity to work for 3 hours for $7.25 at a polling site on November 2, 2010 - voting day.  I asked all the young fathers in my group if they were interested and this father jumped to the opportunity!  You would think that I offered him a lifetime supply of diapers for taking  me up on this offer.  He was so thrilled to have his "first job" - a legal one at that!  So with great enthusiasm I drove him to the polling site, gave him water and a burrito, dropped him off, and he went to work.  His grandmother was proud of him.  He was proud of himself.  He was proud because he was going to make enough money to buy a box of diapers - just ONE box of diapers for his son.  These outcomes alone were simply wonderful, but it was the peripheral benefits that will sow a long term effect in him.  Two things happened.  1.)  He observed families going into the polling site together.  He was amazed at how many kids were with their parents, at night, together!  He states, "This doesn't happen where I live."  It is not safe where he lives and he reports that the families he knows do not spend a lot of time together with their children.  The funny part is he said that the moms were scared of him and kept their children close when they walked by.  He didn't care, he just smiled and thanked them for voting!  2.)  I drove this hard working dad home and at that point I had my daughter in the car.  She and I carried on our usual "how was your day" conversation.  This young father listened intently and then commented on how he has never heard parents and kids talking this way.  Positively and encouraging - showing love! He wanted that experience for himself and as we discussed it I pointed out that he could have those conversations with his son too. 

Besides promoting voting and earning money for diapers, that evening was a huge success.  The observations he made that night will impact him in a far greater manner than any single lesson in my curriculum.  This young father had to visually see families being loving and together.  Laughing and enjoying each others company.  Mother's pulling their children close to them.  :)  He needed to see this example in real life form, to hear my daughter's responses, to hear my words of encouragement to her. My hope is that these moments will begin to change his framework that defines parent/child relationships.  The more human, real, healthy examples he sees the greater chance for change in him and his relationship with his son. I am confident that this evening was the beginning of change for this young dad.  He went home with new experiences to draw from and strive for in his own family.  It was incredible to hear the insight he shared that night.  Who would've thought that a simple trip to the voting poll would've made such an impact!  Now I need to show him how to register to vote!

First Official Post!

Welcome to Pitter Patter Babies Matter!  I am currently at a conference in St. Louis.  I am enjoying an ice cream sandwich in my hotel room that I have ALL to myself!  AHHHHHHH!  Anyway, I attended a training session today on social media.  I realized that there are many amazing stories that only reach the office of my supervisor.  We have a weekly RA! RA! session.  This is all well and good, however our funders would  definitely enjoy hearing these personal stories, and certainly the parents in my program would be encouraged to hear of each other's successes. So, blogging seemed like the best way to share these amazing stories of strength and growth in my teen parents.  Of course, for me personally, when there are those days that feel like there are few successes and that I am paddling up stream I will be sure to go back and read my posts for my own personal encouragement! 

Now to find some followers to share these thoughts with....